It was one year ago this month that I said good bye to the non-profit. It was a bittersweet parting, but ultimately I chose to leave in search of balance and more time for myself in a life that had grown too chaotic.
A whole lot has changed since then but as the saying goes, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Ironically I have simply traded one source of chaos for another and balance and time for myself are goals that continue to elude me. When I'm lucky the most "me time" I get is an hour alone with my coffee and the animals while I pack lunches and make breakfast before the kids wake up. The rest of my day is a marathon, run at the pace of a sprint.
When I first left the non-profit I wasn't sure what my next steps would be. Although I got involved in foster parenting I knew it wasn't going to be a long-term event. In the back of my mind the question of what comes next continued to percolate. It took a year, but I am happy to say I finally know now, with absolute certainty, what I want to do next in my life. The only problem is right now I simply cannot do it, not until I know what will be happening with the kids. It is a frustrating in-between kind of place to be in.
In the midst of the frustration is where faith comes in. Faith is what led me to take on the challenge of foster parenting. Faith is what sustains me when things are at their most chaotic. Faith is how I know that the in-between place we're in is only part of the journey, not the destination, and that someday soon the road forward will be made clear.
At church every week we say a prayer that we call the prayer of confession. It is actually St. Francis of Assisi's Prayer for Peace. I love it. It is a simple and beautiful road map for those wishing to emulate the peace and love of Christ. When I have to make a big decision I ask myself which choice is the one that most closely aligns with the values expressed in this prayer. The answer may not always be my first choice, or the easy choice, but if I'm being honest with myself it is almost always the right choice.
There are many days when I feel impatient, when I just want "someday" to hurry up and happen already. But underneath it all I know that I am where I am supposed to be, doing what I am supposed to do. I'm putting my back into sowing light, faith, and hope, striving to live with joy in hot pursuit of peace, even though at times "peace" seems to be the adjective least likely to describe anything whatsoever about my life or my household.
How does your faith help you through difficult times and deal with frustration? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.