Thursday, October 25, 2012

When At First You Don't Succeed . . .

The new sweatpants I had to finally cave in and buy
As you can see from this picture the battle of the bulge isn't exactly going well.

Last fall I took off twenty pounds. At the time the kids came into my life I had another ten still to go, but was feeling really good about where I was. I was active, eating well and felt confident I would reach my goal in the near future.

Boy, was I ever wrong about that. 

After the kids came getting exercise in was really tough. All the time I used to spend on myself was now going to them, but still I tried.  We started riding bikes en masse, but we could only go as fast as the slowest rider, which was so slow we almost weren't moving. We also had to stop frequently to pick up the one kid who constantly tipped over. Daily family walks didn't fare much better. While everyone enjoyed the walks and we had some excellent family time during them, with everyone having short little legs we couldn't go very far or very fast.

I joined the gym and started doing the weight circuit three times a week after work. The exercise was great for me, but the disruption to their routine wasn't so great for the kids. By the time I got done and picked them up from the childcare area it was after dinner time and they were all hungry, tired and starting to melt down.

I figured if I at least watched what I ate I could keep from gaining. And I did, for awhile. Then at the end of July or thereabouts I hit a rough patch. Having my fitness goals be constantly derailed by the kids and their needs made me feel utterly frustrated and defeated. I know I shouldn't have, but I let go of everything I knew about emotional eating and how to avoid it and had myself a pity party. I celebrated my own angst by stress eating in a big, bad way. In no time I had put the twenty pounds I'd worked so hard to lose right back on again.

When I think about it I feel awful but if there is one thing that I have learned from Weight Watchers it is that beating yourself up does no good. The only thing that helps is getting back on track, doing the work, being accountable. The first step to doing that is to own the mistake so you can move past it. Last year I made myself a promise that the lifestyle changes I was making would be permanent. I may have taken a big old detour these last couple of months, but I intend to keep that promise to myself and get back on course.

So here I am, large and in charge (literally and figuratively) in my new sweat pants. I am going to start by making small positve changes. If I keep at it I know I can work my way back to a healthier place. I would love to say I'll get back to where I was, but I realize I may not - or at least, not anytime soon. There is still too much going on in my life that I can't control right now.  I just know that I have to stop sabotaging myself by looking for comfort in the Dorito isle at the convenience store. I've got three little kids and one big kid who all depend on me and need me - and frankly, I need me, too.

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