Thursday, February 28, 2013

Just call me Stella . . .

I've got no excuses now - Bad weather? No time? No problem! I'll pedal while working!

 . . . cause I finally got my groove back.

I've blogged a lot about how foster parenting doesn't leave a whole lot of time for self care of any kind, much less the time consuming process of a weight loss routine. I knew that going in, but even so, I had worked really hard to achieve and maintain a healthy weight and I was determined not to let kid care derail me. Boy, was that ever a pipe dream! Instead of long walks at lunchtime I was running errands and shuttling kids to appointments. At mealtimes instead of preparing light, veggie-dense meals appropriate for a middle aged metabolism I was putting higher calorie meals suited to growing bodies on the table.

I managed to maintain more or less at first. I did that for a good five months actually, from the time the kids arrived in the winter through the end of summer camp. When school started again is when things began to get dicey. Stressed out and overtired, I lapsed back into emotional eating and let go of portion control. At first I gained five pounds, then it was ten. That was alarming and I tried to reverse the trend, but soon failed miserably. Failing made me feel even worse, of course, which meant more emotional eating and another five pound gain. Then the holidays hit and all that wild and wooly behavioral stuff went down. Well, that was it. By the time it was all over but the shouting my total weight gain was almost thirty pounds. 

I didn't feel good, I didn't look good and I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. Worse, I felt utterly defeated. When my head is in the right place weight loss is not an issue for me, I can do it. But my head was anywhere but in the right place. After a year of always waiting for the other shoe to drop I was chronically tired, stressed out, and sliding further and further down the slippery slope of depression every day. So I made a visit to the doctor and signed up for some pharmaceutical assistance. It is truly amazing what a little serotonin can do; after a couple of weeks on the happy pills it was like the sun coming out after a long, dark rainstorm. I am glad to say that the fog of despair that had become my new normal is now only a memory.

These days I'm back to my old normal, which is kick butt and take no prisoners, and the first butt I kicked was my own. I rejoined Weight Watchers Online and installed a set of pedals under my desk at work. Now I've got no excuses not to do what I need to do to regain a healthy weight. It will be a long, slow journey back to fitting into my favorite jeans, but long and slow isn't so bad when you're used to Life in the Slow Lane.