Friday, April 25, 2014

My Happiness List

This afternoon I got a little bogged down in negative feelings. I was stressing out over things that weren't going my way and sliding down the slippery slope of self pity into a pretty deep funk, and then I glanced out the window. The gloomy, gray sky that looked back at me matched my mood perfectly (I guess we know where Big Brother gets it from now, don't we?).

I realized I needed to snap out of it!

Sure, I've got a laundry list of things I wish were different right now, but THIS is the list that really matters:
  • Big Brother has a good job, is in a good relationship, and is healthy. He's becoming a man I'm proud of in so many ways.
  • THE KIDS GOT THEIR MOMMY BACK!!! Sometimes I still stop and think where we were a year ago and have to pinch myself, it is just so AMAZING that this happened.
  • All the kids are happy, healthy, feisty, super-duper smart and growing like weeds. Did I already say they're happy? Well, let me say it again because it bears repeating: THE KIDS ARE HAPPY! After watching them be supremely unhappy for two years this happy business is a pretty big deal.
  • I have a bunch of kids. Wow! I never planned to be a second-time-around mom at almost fifty (and I still harbor fantasies of graffiting the CPS office under the cover of darkness), but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. It changed my life in all the right ways.
  • Even better than being a temporary second-time-around mom is getting to be a permanent-stuck-with-me-for-life Aunt. Having their mommy back does mean I have to take a step back in their lives, but the good part about that is I get to enjoy all the fun parts without the boring stuff like laundry and vomit and dental appointments.
  • I've got a good, solid job where I can totally be who I am without judgement. Heck, I announced today "If they deliver a unicycle next week, don't be alarmed. Its mine. I'm going to learn to ride it around these file cabinets," and nobody was all that surprised.
  • The hard work I've been doing on my financial profile is slowly starting to pay off. I'll post more about that soon.
  • I'm a writer. Just typing those words feels good, after a lifetime of not-quite-daring to believe I could do it. Someday in the not-too-distant future I might even get to add the word "published" to that sentence and that will feel even better.
There, you see? Before I even listed ten things my grumpy mood evaporated into gratitude.

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